Laura helps more fat people

Just a minute, I've got to find my sunglasses. OK its ten past one in the morning, look its in the privacy of my own home! The drinks are flowing, my one ciggie a week is on its way, this life's tawdry cares are behind me, trailing out of sight....for the next hour as I regale you with Village Green Machine news, stories about my mother, and who knows what else. None of this is pre meditated. Once, Two people in white coats came round, and left empty handed. My mother put a brick in her big Marks and Spencer handbag, and said 'leave them to me' and that was the last we heard. You think you've had a crazy life!

Talking of whom, my mother is still very much alive and kicking, and tonight has been helping fat people at the hotel bar. 'WHAT A SHAME' has in fact become her catchphrase, blurted out liberally and in a loud voice every time anyone over 7 stones is within earshot. 'What a pity' is her other 'nan' phrase. Listen to my song 'Just Like Nan' for more details. Tonight I told her I had been telling you about the picture she and I saw last week on the bar wall, of 2 young lesbians frolicking naked on a windswept misty moorland, beneath tumultuous foreboding skies.'I will have to have a look', she said. What, another look? Actually, a few years ago she was chatted up by a lesbian at the Midlands Arts Centre, an incident which has long since become part of our family folk lore. What happened was, there was a lesbian/feminist film season on at the arts centre, the bar being crammed full of suitable viewers on the night my parents had decided to go for a drink. As soon as my father went to the bar, a lady in a leather jacket came over and started talking to my mother, complimenting her on looking like the ballerina Margot Fontaine. Excuse spelling. Needless to say she left in a hurry when my father came back with the drinks. PS Earlier this evening when a very overweight porter tottered past us in the hotel bar, I offered to buy my mother an extra drink if she said 'You fat bastard' when he walked back through the doors, alas my request fell on stony ground. She keeps telling me I'm fat, if its any consolation.

Laura 'Just Like Nan' Lemon

I needed a couple of drinks tonight actually after visiting a close male relative, who, bless him, has taken to wearing women's shoes. Speaking of which, I was in Spar late one night with my manager, when a little old man was in there, wearing, bright pink baby doll girls sandals. Each to their own. 'Dave, that old man's got pink shoes on'. On another occasion ( I know I've met a lot of people like this) I was at New Street Station, a place incidentally where, my father tells me, a high ranking politician was once found by police in the women's lavatory, dressed as a woman. On drugs. He might well have been promoted, but I believe was arrested on one charge at least. Needless to say this character has metamorphosised into my song 'Hillbilly Redneck' on my Village Green Machine LP England's Dreaming Spires. Where was I? Yes, New Street Station. I saw an old man there in the ticket queue, wearing a bright pink ladies trouser suit/mini dress, with pink shoes and a matching pink handbag! And sunglasses. I couldn't believe my eyes, but there he was, acting completely normally going about his business. The nearest I've ever got to transvestism was a little theatrical eye liner, and to be honest I can't wait to put some on again, for photos or on stage. I read a book about Syd Barrett once and someone had written in pencil, in the margin how impressed they were that Syd had worn eyeliner in '67. I can't wait to be doing some decent gigs again, we're actually looking for a residency locally and also, hoping to get down to London again soon. Good as always to hear from Ian Barrett, and yes I would like Hoppy Hopkin's contact details. Hoppy did the lights for Floyd in '67 at the UFO club. He is apparently a lovely man, once considered by a member of our judiciary as a menace to society. He is in fact a real character and I will pull the stops out to interview him, should he be willing. He is an important photographer chronicling, uniquely, an important period of social history, namely the bohemian world of the early 60s. He also founded a very important and famous underground magazine, I believe.

Do you know, I was kept in a draw when I was a baby? Its true, I was. My manager thinks it was put on wheels and used as a pram probably as well.
I haven't got much else to tell you about really, except I would like to print these pictures of Frank Sidebottom, which clearly demonstrate what a cool dude he is, sartorially. I had no idea. I love that pin stripe with the polka dot tie- both Brian Jones and myself could be in deep awe of such a stylish combination. Also, well impressed to see Frank strutting his stuff outside the Salford Lads Club, setting of the famous Smiths 'The Queen Is Dead' photo shoot, of course.

By the way, there is a Village Green Machine single coming out soon, its Psychodrama from England's Dreaming Spires, plus 2 new songs. If you are a radio DJ and would like a promo, let us know. You can hear a sample of the track on the myspace player. The single will be on sale at the website, hopefully from early October. I have also written 2 new songs in the last week, one an acoustic, simple song, the other a fast r&b style one. Proper r&b, that is! Production on other recordings is exciting and going really well, there's a new killer track almost in the bag, but of course there are no guarantees with production until you have finished and can say, that's great. Its always like walking a tightrope, trying to produce. Anything which doesn't work gets binned.

Mark Lemon

Lastly I will talk a bit about what I've been listening to. When down in the dumps a little, I sometimes find myself looking for some rock & roll, sixties style. I've been listening to I Don't Understand by The Chesterfield Kings. For those of you who don't know the band, they set out to be the best at their particular style of music, which leans heavily towards the 60s garage/punk/psychedelic sound, always with a good dose of early Stones influence. Self belief and determination seem to produce the desired excellence, I am a massive fan of their sound. Anyone who is serious about mid 60's music is missing out if they don't know this (current) band. Here they are in action. Bassist Andy Babiuk is also a respected author and lecturer, having written a thorough, indeed forensic book about the Beatles equipment called ''Beatles Gear''.. I would love to see them play in London at Le Beat Bespoke. Their new LP sounds very, very good. Their back catalogue is excellent.

Also this week tons of northern soul and Chris Farlowe on my record player as usual. Hope to see you next week


Reading Village Green Machine's ezine. Laura helps more fat people
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